But my mind forgot about that last night. Instead, it was blogging. I wasn’t actually sitting at my computer. But I may as well have been. My mind churned and churned. I wrote and wrote. About a dozen blog posts. Yes, indeed. Not exaggerating. A good dozen posts were formulated in my mind.
In my mind I wrote a post for tomorrow, a post for next week, and one for next month. I wrote a post for November, and one for December. I even wrote a post for next spring. And then my mind started thinking up all sorts of topics for in between.
I made myself laugh, and I made myself cry {literally}. I was smart. I was creative. I was witty. I was brilliant. {okay, that last one was an exaggeration, but I’m sticking by smart, creative, and witty.}
And when my mind started writing this post about all my other mind-written posts, I decided that it was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. It was three a.m. I had yet to sleep a wink.
But it was also thrilling. Utterly thrilling.
I’m pining for the time to be able to get out my ideas before they fade away.
Best of all, I am no longer conflicted. I am so glad. And unless you tell me otherwise, I’ll assume that you are too. I’ll tell you about it soon. Just as soon as I’m able to write for real what my mind wrote at three a.m. Just as soon as I’m brave enough to allow myself to be accountable to a stated blog purpose. Just as soon as I can articulate it in a way that is smart, that is creative, that is witty.
Just don’t expect it to be brilliant.
About Shelli Bourque
Shelli, I usually am a lurker when it comes to blogs, but I will post for you! Consistently. That was my commitment I made at the end of our M, M & L study. So you're stuck with me.
I teach creative writing, and you, my dear, are a writer! Being kept up at night with all the throughts swirling in your head…those are symptoms I'm familiar with. And, tucked into bed, that's when all the best ideas emerge. Keep a notepad on your nightstand. It'll help capture those thoughts so you can get some sleep.
I'm so happy to watch you put yourself out there. It's scary to make yourself vulnerable, especially for recovering perfectionists like ourselves.
Kerry
Thank you, Kerry. Your comment meant so much to me. It made my day – maybe even my week. I never thought of myself as a writer, but I am letting that word soak in. I'm just walking this road one step at a time. It's reasuring to have caring friends walk it with me.