Conflicted

As I mentioned before, I am really new to this whole blogging thing. Never read a blog, never wanted a blog. Then a year ago, I came across Beth Moore’s blog. Well, since it was Beth Moore, my favorite teacher who is also funnier than anyone I know, I kept reading. Just Beth. No one else. Didn’t want to, didn’t need to.

After six months or so, I peeked at Travis Cottrell’s blog, and since he’s my favorite worship leader/Christian music person, I kept reading. He doesn’t write much, but he’s pretty funny, too. So, it was just Beth and Travis. No one else. Didn’t want to, didn’t need to.

THEN, Melissa (Beth’s daughter) took a trip with Compassion International and blogged about it along with four other bloggers. And through her, I met Angie at Bring the Rain. Didn’t know her. But after five minutes on her blog, I wanted to.

For the first time, I realized there was something interesting in the blog world. People worth meeting. Stories worth hearing. And shy little me didn’t even have to get nervous and tongue-tied. I could meet and read; stay a minute, or stay a while. I let people I “knew” introduce me to people they “knew” and I met all sorts of delightful people.

Beth introduced me to the LifeWay Women AllAccess blog, who introduced me to BooMama. She’s a funny southern gal who makes me laugh. She also has a job that I am tempted to covet at times. She gets to go to LifeWay Women’s Events and blog about them. Imagine: trips to see Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer, Kay Arthur. All over the country. Being blessed with amazing worship and teaching. Then getting to share about it with others. I don’t know how to get that job, but I want it. I might have to write her and see if she’s seeking early retirement, or something. Maybe a fill-in blogger when she gets sick right before a trip. Not that I’m wishing sickness on her. No, no. Just desperately trying to come up with a way to get to do what she gets to do. Do you think I could sneak myself into her suitcase?

BooMama and others introduced me to Baby Bangs. Lo, and behold, it was Amanda Jones (Beth’s other daughter). She has her own blog. Who knew? Well, apparently a lot of people did. I forgot, I’m the new person in the blog world. I’ve missed so much.

Amanda introduced me to Kelly at fabulous k creative, who gave my blog its beautiful make-over. She now introduces me to someone new every time she completes a blog design.

There is seven degrees of knowing Kevin Bacon in here somewhere. I just know it.

Back to Angie.

Angie introduced me to Anna, who, apart from knowing Christ, appears to live a life that is nothing like mine. I don’t dream about living her life. Who would I be kidding? Me? Cooking and sewing? It’s laughable. Hilarious. I’d be starving and naked. I just enjoy watching her live her life. It’s refreshing. And it reminds me how different God made each of us and that we are all the more blessed when we can appreciate, even relish, our differences.

And she has a way with the camera that makes me want to take a photography class and spend money on lenses. I could do that. Maybe someday. Of course, the subject matter would be different. A photo of a dinner that I prepared would be a close-up of a pizza box.

Okay, back to the introductions again. Just a few days ago, someone (I can’t remember who) introduced me to The Nestor, who introduced me to her sister Emily.

This is where things get complicated. Or conflicted.

It seems that just before I met them they spoke at a She Speaks conference. Their topic was blogging. Specifically they spoke about defining your blog purpose. Ugh! How did they know that is exactly what I’ve been pondering? How did they know that the original purpose of my blog just ended with the conclusion of our MM&L study? How did they know that even though I decided to make the Siesta Summer Study only a part of my blog, I really hadn’t determined exactly what I would do with it when the study was done? How did they know even though I said I would write about my experiences with motherhood and trying to live a God-glorifying life, I really had no idea what to actually say?

They didn’t.

But God did. And I’m talking with Him and waiting for Him to help me sort this out.

They don’t know that I am not as smart as Beth or Melissa, or as witty as BooMama, or as elegant as Anna, or as talented as The Nestor. They don’t know that I don’t have little kids who need their lives documented in all their cuteness. They don’t know that I am just old enough to have had to write journals for my kids the old fashioned way. In Word. Privately. They don’t know that I don’t have an inspirational story to share like Angie, or that I don’t know that I even have a passion that is blog-worthy. And they don’t know that words don’t easily flow out of me. They come slowly. Deliberately.

And Melissa. She doesn’t know it either. She doesn’t know that her question hit me between the eyes. On. the. very. same. day.

None of them know that the blog world that I didn’t want and didn’t need is a world that I have come to appreciate and treasure. It’s a world that broadens my horizons, gives me perspective, makes me laugh, and brings me to tears. It’s a world that introduces me to new “friends” (like my wonderful Siesta Sisters) who will be familiar faces on heaven’s roads some day. It’s a world that beckons me. It’s a world that I want. It’s a world that I need.

source: istock

God knows my place.